New medication

Three, or maybe four weeks ago, I started new medication for the pain I get in my head. Just like the first lot of medication I had from May or June '08, I was supposed to build it up to the full dose over three weeks. I built it up to full strength in a week!


It made me high as a kite! I happend to see the consultant the following week and when he found out what I'd done he reminded me that I was supposed to build it up gradually. "Yes," I said "that's all very well in theory, but you don't get any pain control without the full dose!" He accepted that this was the case and said the side effects would pass after a couple of weeks. I think that's beginning to happen, although I do still feel a bit lethargic with them.

Overall though, I feel the best I've felt for ages!

I can work most of the day and don't feel so ill.


I hope this continues.....

Setting the captive free

How familiar are the words "The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel ,...... to proclaim liberty to the captives , .......to set at liberty those who are oppressed" (Luke 4:18, NKJV)

"To proclaim liberty to captives" - that phrase always confused me when I was growing up. My thoughts were something like this: "Why would Jesus want to 'proclaim liberty to the captives'? - surely, those in prison (the word some other translations use) ought to be there and shouldn't be set free!" It was a few years before I understood the true meaning of that verse.

In our day the word sin is not very popular. OK, let's use some different words for a moment: what about addiction? That's a good one to start with. We don't have to look far to find an addict of heroin, or other drugs, or what about alcoholics? Well, they are the obvious ones, but there are lots of others that are usually kept hidden and secret and only we know about them ourselves. At least we think we do. These were the captives Jesus was talking about. Those addicted to sin. He came to set them free. It begins to make sense now.

Charles G. Finney, 1792 - 1875

Finney talks about this in the online sermon I read. Imagine a person who smokes and who is trying to give it up. The man or woman involved, tries to 'break the habit' by denying themselves cigarettes and motivating themselves to go through the withdrawal symptoms (I have heard it's worse coming off cigarettes than heroin, whether that's true or not I can't say). Now, I have huge respect for people who do this and I wish them well. But, in my illustration, we encounter a problem. A person can force themselves to stop the physical habit of smoking, but, what about the cravings? They are often still there, and sometimes so strong that they overcome the physical and mental desire to cease smoking. In other words, the physical habit is at one level and the cravings are rooted (and sometimes very deeply) in another. The addiction has gone beyond the physical into what the bible calls our 'spirit'.

So, back to Finney. He gets frustrated at some of the teaching in some areas of the Christian Church which says that you focus on the problem (the sin) and pray and pray until it breaks. Finney says that is absolutely NOT the way to overcome an addiction or weakness. It's trying to fight a spiritual problem at a physical level. In fact, focusing on the problem sometimes gives the problem more attention and it just grows and grows. Focusing on the addiction, or the habit just doesn't work. It becomes obvious, that a spiritual problem must be fought at a spiritual level. But, how do we do this?

I am reminded of C.S. Lewis, in one of the books in his Science fiction trilogy. In either Out of the Silent Planet or Voyage to Venus, the main character, Ransom, returns from one of the planets with a cut to his heel. One of his friends who meets him on his return is a doctor who attends to the wound. But over time, it doesn't heal - it keeps oozing blood and requires to be dressed regularly. The doctor is bemused at this because Ransom is an otherwise very healthy specimen. Then C.S. Lewis uses a phrase something like "a wound sustained in another world requires to be healed in another world" - and that's exactly what I'm talking about now. We try to fight addictions and sin at a natural or human level - and it just doesn't work. We need to look at the spiritual level. So, back to our question, how do we do this?

Well, the first part of the answer is quite simple, we don't do it! We live in the human, natural world. We can only attempt to meet problems on our own level. Only God can deal with matters sin the spiritual level. Jesus came to "set the captive free" - He is the Son of God, he came here to earth on a mission. He also says "Come to me....and I will give you rest!" And, the answer is that it's 'in' or 'through' faith in Jesus that we will indeed be set free. I am utterly convinced of the truth of this statement. Instead of trying to focus on a problem and fight it, rest in Jesus. Quietly, trust in him to face the addiction or problem for us. And suddenly there is peace! I have known this truth in my own life and have only to look very quickly around the Church to see people who were once (for example) drug addicts and been in hostels, rehabs, prison and psychiatric care now totally free and living wholesome lives and in several instances running their own successful businesses. What a living gospel we have!

So, let's add a few words. I said addiction, but, what about obsession, or compulsion? In other words, areas of our lives that are stronger than us and no matter how hard we try we can't get free of them. It could be lots of other things too, like a bad temper, bitterness, hatred, violence - or a fear or a phobia, and a whole lot more besides. This living gospel - the good news - is for us too. A living, loving Power come to set us free so that we may live the life we were born to live!

If you want to read Charles G. Finney's sermon (from 1874), click here.

Blogging from Cornwall

Susie and I have flown down to Cornwall for a few days. We came down yesterday (Saturday 4th April) with Air Southwest, which I'd never heard of before. It was a Dash 8 turbo prop plane, which was noisy, but OK. The staff were wonderful in Glasgow and Newquay. I gave in to Susie and used the wheelchair in both airports. I was a bit embarrassed, but, the service we got was excellent and were taken through a different way for security checks and didn't have to wait in any queues. When we arrived in Newquay, we were escorted to the baggage reclaim carousel with one of the ground staff then carrying our cases to the exit from the airport, where a young chap from the car hire company then carried them to the little Corsa we've hired for the week. The B&B is lovely. We're in a little village not for from Newquay right on the coast with a lovely beach and waves crashing onto the shore. It's good to get away for a while and I hope that Susie is able to unwind and find it relaxing. I am keen that this short holiday also gives us time to look ahead to the future and find a new vision for the way forward. Watch this space!
Last night we took an evening walk down onto the beach and as usual, Susie had her camera. Here's a lovely shot she took of the evening retiring into night...

A couple of weeks ago, during the time that both of us were unwell with viral infections, I read a short online sermon from Charles G. Finney. I'll talk about that in the next post. Meanwhile, here's another picture of Cornwall taken by Susie yesterday evening (you can guess who's in the picture!):

An eventful week

Thank you to those of you who take the time to read this. I'm really amazed that quite frequently friends tell me that they've had a read at my blog, even if they haven't 'signed up' as a 'follower' (I don't like that word!). I appreciate the interest. Thanks.


This week Susie and I have been off work with viral infections/terrible coughs etc. I'm definitely improved, but Susie is still quite unwell and frankly shouldn't even be thinking of working this week - but, we all know Susie!


Monday and Tuesday are a bit of a blur due to illness. At one point Susie caught hold of one of our neighbours and asked her to pick up some bread rolls at the local shop as neither of us was in a fit state to drive to the shops! She was delighted to help and we were very grateful that she was willing to do it. I did venture out on Wednesday, briefly, and drove to the hospital for my six monthly check up with the MS consultant on Thursday.

The consultant is a nice fellow who comes from Cork in Ireland. I quite like him and he's interested in his patients, which is encouraging. He asked me how I was managing and chatted about medication and that was pretty much the sum of it. He did confirm that he is not able to help me very much as the particular type of MS I have doesn't respond to drugs and arranged for me to go back in a year's time although I'm free to contact him earlier if I have a problem. After that, I did drive in Glasgow and sat in Costa for a while at the window and just watched the world go by. Having an illness, I've discovered, it's helpful to go somewhere familiar, or to do something familiar (like shopping or walking down a street), to gauge how I feel in these situations and it lets me know how the illness is affecting me, if you can follow that! For example, if you're a good swimmer and you've broken you arm, when you think you've healed - get back in the water and see if you can swim in a straight line! It's only then you realise how far you've got to go (and probably how far you've come).

Nameplates

This week the nameplates we'd ordered for the steading arrived and we put them up. Apparently, there used to be a name for the steading and a 'private' sign - but, these mysteriously disappeared around about the time we moved here. My immediate neighbours and ourselves are from time to time in the position of having to confront drivers who want to park their cars here and go for a walk. It's like some passerby wanting to leave their car in your driveway for several hours and to top it all, didn't even ask your permission first!

It's just that our driveway is more like a large car park and apparently looks inviting! So, we went round the neighbours and got a consensus of opinion and the notices are up! The steading we live in used to be part of Easter Carbeth Farm. So, our part is now simply called 'Easter Carbeth'.

Also, here's a picture of where we live. It's lovely out here and the wildlife is just amazing. You'll see my black car adjacent to our front door.

I said in my last post that I would write about Charles G. Finney. I haven't forgotten! Watch this space.

Also, we had missionaries speaking in the Church in Glasgow last night and they were just great. If I get the chance, I'll write about them too.

'Til next time.

A day together!

Well! Susie and I had a day together. Sounds great? Actually, not really. We both are sharing a virus and coughing for Scotland and neither of us could go to work!

Ah well, at least we can console each other in our misery!

Truthfully, we have a lot to be very thankful for and this is just one of those inconveniences of life. We both hope it passes soon.



I've been reading a lot recently. It's taken me ages, but I'm getting through the biography of Elizabeth Fry by Jean Hatton. Its called 'Betsy'. I'm not sure I've ever read such a painstakingly well researched book. It's lengthy, there's no doubting that, but very readable and it does consume one's interest. What a life! Elizabeth Fry, you may remember, was a pioneer of prison reform in Britain in the early 19th century and this spread a lot further afield to Europe and beyond. Those were the days when they locked you up and threw away the key - literally. The description of her walking into Newgate Gaol will give you nightmares! She asked the turnkey to open the gate into the communal area where all the women were - and he refused. She pressed him until he did and he expected her to be ripped apart by the mob of women. She entered alone. She said the stench of unwashed flesh and filth made you gag. Clothes ripped and ragged appeared to move by themselves such was the infestation of lice. What a calling that woman had. It's worth the read.

Newgate Gaol
demolished 1902
(this photo 1895)

The other bit of reading I've been doing is by Charles G. Finney from 1874, entitled "How to Overcome Sin" and I'll say a bit about that under the next posting and give the link to the online source. It's one of the best (quite short) sermons I've come across in a good while.

Nan, medication and birthdays.

Today would have been my mother's birthday! I think if she was still living in this world, she would be, let's see..about 87 today! I'm not sure exactly when she was born, 1922, I think. (I searched Scottish records online and think she was born in 1925,which would make her 84).

She died in 1967 in her early 40s from cancer. That's 42 years ago this year. Oh my.

Susan Sharkey (nee Reilly) in the 1940s.
Also, it was my birthday on Monday (9th March). I was working, but in the evening Susie had invited a few friends from Cumbernauld round and made a huge pot of spaghetti bolognese!
We had a great night of laughter, funny stories and memories and some serious conversation too. I got so many cards and a helium balloon saying "Birthday wishes" on it - we've still got to play with the helium and do funny voices! Thanks to all for birthday greetings and your kindnesses.
Medication: I've been taking a neuropathic painkiller for more than six months now. It's great, and it does the job. However, if I've got to increase the doze because of increased pain, it not only takes the pain away, but almost puts me away too. So, I heard of a different drug - the next generation to the drug I'm on just now and asked if I could be changed to that.
The docs said 'yes', but I was told in no uncertain terms that I would have to reduce the first medication before changing to the second. So, this week was changeover week. It's been difficult. The one consequence of reducing painkillers is (obviously!!) that the pain gets worse. And it has. So, I did my best to come off the other medication, and started the new drug on Friday evening. Now I feel totally spaced out!
I hope the side effects pass, because I'm not sure I can function the way I feel at the moment.
Watch this space!

Nan.
Nan is a dear friend. We used to be neighbours, then we moved, her husband died and she fell and broke her wrist and became generally in need of regular attendance. In step Susie.
Susie has gone to Nan's every day for several years now, except on a Saturday. Through Nan's good days and when she's been hospitalised, etc. When we're able, we try to visit her as a family after the Sunday morning service in Church - and she always makes a large pot of soup for us coming. My son has phoned her a couple of times from Iraq. That shows how special she is to all of us. Well, she's shaky on her feet and she fell today. So, another visit to A and E. Susie wasn't there this time, so a neighbour called an ambulance. She is due home about now and Susie has gone over to help settle her back into the house and attend to her needs.

Susie, you need about three bodies and at least an eight-day week to deal with all your cares and responsibilities!

"Colin can do that!"

There come certain times in the year I would describe as milestones.
Events like family birthdays and Christmas definitely fall into this category; also, when the clocks change in Spring and Autumn telling us of lighter or darker days. But, there's also another day worth mentioning - and that's the first day you can get out into the garden and start tidying things up after the winter; it's great to get out into the fresh air and get the outside work started.
Well, that was today - and I found it ever so slightly frustrating!

The reason being, that if you want to lift something or tidy something up, it's better to have two hands free! My problem is that I've usually got to hold onto something with one hand so I don't lose my balance, which leaves one hand to try to lend a hand to Susie. She must have found this a pretty poor offer and frequently uttered the words "Just leave that, I'll get it." Or the other phrase, which is the title of this posting, "Colin can do that!"
Let me explain.

I've known Colin for a long time. He's worked at the University of Glasgow since it opened. At least it seems that way. We knew each other before I went to work at the University, and our paths do cross from time to time at work.
When Colin found out I was ill in the summer of 2007, he got in his car and arrived at our house, and he's dropped in almost every week since. His opening comment was usually a command: "Get your boots on, we're going for a walk." Or, "Let's go for a drive/coffee/lunch, etc." Lately, I've been less keen to go out so we stay at home. Usually, that is.

Me, Susie and Colin 30th May 2008


Also, Colin is very practical. He moved into a lovely new house not that long ago and last summer built decking, planted trees, elevated parts of his garden, dug trenches, etc. and generally is a one-man landscaping and decking company.
He's been a God-send here. He's lifted things, dug holes, moved logs, and generally been a great help. He's also got a lovely cat called Justin. I'll try to get a pic to insert here. So, Susie has adopted Colin as her handyman, since she finds my one-handed attempts a bit lame! So, frequently, I hear the phrase "Colin can do that when he arrives!" Poor Colin. As soon as he gets out of his car he is presented with a list of jobs that need doing - and he submits willingly - and all we offer in return is a cup of tea. Thanks, Colin.

JUSTIN

So, my frustration is that the things I used to do without thinking I can no longer do. Poor Susie has much more to do than ever before and friends who drop in, especially Colin, are asked to help out. And we really appreciate that.

So, while Susie and Colin were getting to grips with some of the chores, I put the kettle on and then watched them grafting away. One of the jobs Susie completed today was giving our garden bench it's annual coat of paint. I've included a grainy video to show the finished article. 'Til next time.

A wintery day..

Oh, it's cold outside! And perhaps a little cold inside too! No matter, the good weather is on the way - I'm sure!
Well, it's my birthday tomorrow, so, there's still time to rush out and get me a card!

So, another week's gone. Busy and tiring, but that's ok. Wednesday in dental practice pretty well tired me out and the rest of the week was a bit of a blur! However, the weekend came around on cue and it's been good to rest. I seem to do a lot of that these days.

I finish in practice at about one o'clock on a Friday, and since I hadn't brought a sandwich with me for lunch I stopped along the road at an art gallery near Stirling Castle (I can't remember its name) which advertises a 'Bistro' on a board outside. I found a parking place and went inside to the very attractive aforementioned bistro, which had lovely tables and chairs, decor, etc. However, the staff were less than helpful and treated you as if you were getting in the way of their work! No one smiled, no one explained whether it was table service or order at the counter (which it was), when I eventually ordered (soup and a sandwich), I was handed a plastic number and told to find a seat, which I did. After five minutes or so, one of the staff duly arrived with a very attractive platter of soup and nice sandwiches, she then walked away taking the plastic number with her. Only then, I realised that I didn't have any cuttlery. It would have been nice if she'd noticed! I then discovered that the customers are supposed to get their own knives, forks and spoons, serviette, etc. Wouldn't it have been nice if someone had said?! I don't think I'll go back.
Anyway, as I was waiting for my order I gave Susie a quick call on my mobile. She was too busy to speak much, but said that an old friend of mine was in the surgery and, unfortunately, she was talking to someone and wasn't free to speak to me. We said our goodbyes and ended the call. A moment later, my mobile rang again and the caller ID said 'Susie' - so, I answered and said 'Hi Susie!', then I heard a voice laugh at the other end (not Susie), however, I recognised the laugh right away as that of a former dental nurse,called Lynda, from my days in Oral Surgery at the Victoria Infirmary in Glasgow who now works for a dental company and was at Susie's work on business. I haven't seen nor spoken to her in almost 23 years! It was a delight to talk to her and we have arranged to meet for a chat in a couple of weeks. Isn't it strange how the years just vanish in a moment?

I had a walk around the museum after lunch - and for the historians among you- it's worth a visit. A lot of Scottish antiquities relating to the Scottish wars and particularly relating to Bannockburn and the Scottish Kings. There are Roman remains and even more ancient finds, as well as 17th century furniture and paintings. It's smallish, but I must go back and take some time to go around it properly. It was a worthwhile visit, and free too!

Twenty-nine miles later, I arrived home. I was just in the door when, at my back, came a van and car bearing three men. One I've met already, he's responsible for dealing with applications for grants in Stirlingshire where we live. Last year, I called Stirling Council enquiring about grants available for modifications to homes on grounds of disability. Susie and I realised that we'd have to modify a downstairs room and convert it into a shower room and duly applied for the available grant. Well, the occupational therapist came out a few weeks ago (an 8 month waiting list), a very nice lady who took her time to discuss how I was managing at home and at work, etc. She then got her measuring tape out and advised me that doors might have to be widened and a ramp installed 'for when I was in a wheelchair'!! I don't think I heard another word after that! Anyway, a grant toward the shower room wouldn't be a problem. So, things have happened quite quickly after that, and these men were here to begin the process of pricing the work that needs done, which includes a new front door and ramped access in case I require it in the future. Hopefully, not! It turns out that the grant is only offered once and that if a need is identified (by the OT), then the council will act to make adjustments to the property. If I, for example, decided not to let them fit the ramp, then the opportunity has passed and I wouldn't get the grant in the future. I'm happy(ish!) to let them do it. I was quite impressed, actually.

Actually, over the last few months, we've had a few improvements done to the house, basically because they're required, but also because, if I have to give up work one day in the reasonably near future, I'll probably not be able to afford to get some of the things done then. So, it might be now or never!

The one alteration I am looking forward to, and it should happen quite soon, is to get a proper loft hatch and folding retractable stairway fitted so we can get easier access to the loft space and make better use of it. It's a man's thing - ladies, please just move on the the next paragraph!

So, I got to the Saturday night meeting in Church, which was great. Grace Gault was preaching from two verses: 'Cast all your cares upon Him, for he cares for you.' - a message simply of God's love for us all. The second verse was 'resist the devil and he will flee'- she spoke of how we can get comfortable in our sin because it's all we're familiar with, and to break the chains and get free through the cross of Jesus! It was great.

Last paragraph! It's my birthday tomorrow! I've already received some e-greetings and some cards, which I thank you for. Susie has organised for a few friends to pop in tomorrow evening just to make an occasion out of it. I hope I'm not upstairs asleep in bed when they come! Au revoir!

Daffodils and life with MS

A strange title, I know. It's just that this is such a lovely time of year and to see the snowdrops flowering at the roadside, and crocuses and daffodils pushing though, is just absolutely wonderful. The feeling that the long dark winter is over and spring is very, very near.
I love it!
I was chatting to Susie about updating my blog, reiterating that I don't want it to be a place where I tell everyone about my aches and pains and simply complain and moan!
She suggested, and I think correctly, that I can make it factual without being negative - because, I don't feel negative. Restricted in some ways, yes, but managing nonetheless. And I think, quite well.

Good things that have happened this week: I met Anna! Anna is the new arrival in the Crighton household. A sister for Matthew and a beautiful daughter for Mum and Dad Rosalind and Andy. She is absolutely gorgeous. She was also blissfully unaware that I was there as she was sound asleep. But, I whispered those endearing words, that much loved lullaby in her ear...."the dentist is your friend, the dentist is your friend..".
I had my annual appraisal at the dental school, which went OK. It seems to be one of those paperwork exercises that we've all got to go through. I've got to update a portfolio showing that in various areas I can provide evidence that I'm up to scratch. The only problem is that the template given to the teaching staff (of which I am part) is the same as the NHS clinical staff. So, a lot of the sections are not applicable. And the areas I would like to elaborate on are absent!
However, I put in some super close up photos of a bur (dental drill) shaping a tooth for a crown. I asked our resident professional photography department to do the pics and they were stunning as you can see.
Also, my son called home a couple of times, which was nice, and I managed to get out to Church this morning (Sunday), which was great.
Less than good things, or should I say 'challenges' that happened this week, were:
I got a virus, not the computer type, the microbiological type. It had the best of me for a few days, but then the tables turned and it's well on the run now! That led to me being off work for a couple of days and not achieving all that much when I did actually get there. However, I'll hopefully be back to normal this week.

So, life with MS - what's changed?
I find the effects of MS fall into three categories:

1. problems walking


2. fatigue


3. pain

The problems walking are a real nuisance. Actually, so are the other two, but hey, one thing at a time! I have two problems associated with walking. A balance problem which is there all the time, and a weakness in my legs, which gets worse as the day goes on. If it wasn't for the balance problem, I could walk without a stick probably until late morning when the weakness in my legs passes the point where I can manage without a stick. By teatime, I can have real difficulty walking - it varies. But, the balance problem means that I'm a lot safer using the stick to save me wobbling around too much, even when I don't feel my walking is too bad! It doesn't look good at work if a member of staff is staggering along the corridor! At least using the stick gives the world some sort of explanation and stops them wondering, I think. The nuisance part is simply that I've always loved walking. Just over a year ago I could easily do 5 or 6 miles a day! The dog didn't always appreciate this and I remember her sitting down on the path (after about 5 miles) and looking at me as if to say "You've got to be joking, I can't go any further!" But, she had to! Now, a few hundred yards is a problem, and if I do walk that far, sometimes I wonder how I'm going to get back to the car!

The second is fatigue. It's well recognised in MS that fatigue is a problem. I find that I'm trying to live each day with a lot less energy than before. Imagine driving to London from Glasgow and you use up a whole tank of petrol in your car. Now, you're given a third of a tank of petrol and told to drive back to Glasgow. That's the problem! So now, instead of getting up in the morning and seeing how much I achieve in the day, I now have to think: "What do I need my energy for today?" and plan my day around the important things I've got to do - and also plan rest times to recharge the batteries when I can, like a short nap at lunchtime. Simple things like driving an automatic car instead of a manual have made a difference and using a stool with locking castors rather than having to consciously balance all the time, and unnecessarily uses up precious energy.

Thirdly, pain. When I first became ill, I had a strange numbness in my head. After a few months this turned to pain. Unbelievable pain! Luckily, the specialists were very familiar with this symptom. 'Neuropathic pain', as it is called, is common in MS. It's the result of damaged nerves and can affect any part of the body - in my case the left side of my head. It doesn't really respond to ordinary painkillers (which I was swallowing like smarties!), but responds to drugs originally developed for epilepsy which produce a synthetic analogue of the neurotransmitter gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) in the brain and target the pain quite effectively. It's not known exactly how these drugs work on this type of pain, but, I'm glad they do! I'm currently discussing the pain control with the hospital and one or two medical colleagues as there may be an alternative with less side effects. We'll see! Luckily, it doesn't stop me sleeping, which is very refreshing.

So, that's it. It's been a difficult week because on top of everything else, the virus knocked me for six. But, meeting little Anna Crighton eclipsed all these difficulties. And getting to Church was a real bonus.

On a positive note to end this post, I have been making an effort to get back to writing and arranging some music. I've got a few pieces in my head that have never made it beyond a scribble on a piece of manuscript - so, I'm determined to get them written out properly. I've also been reading the modern biography of Gerhardt Tersteegen a 17th century Christian 'mystic' whose writings and poetry are just like a breath of something beautiful.

Enough for now.

The old sort of virus!

I'm still off work with a viral infection, but, hope to go back tomorrow. Those viruses have got me again and swallowing feels as if I've got broken glass in my throat. No matter, I've been doing some work by email and I've got a few things to keep me busy, but with frequent rests and cups of tea in between. It's been great to get a few comments added and also a few emails from friends. We live in such an age of instant communication that it's hard to believe that when I was a child and at the doctor's or dentist's or some similar place who required your details, that they would ask 'Do you have a phone?'! How ridiculous from today's perspective, with home and office landlines, mobiles (one of my colleagues has three), texting, emails, online instant pc support, etc. Is it real progress? Or have we lost the reflective moment to compose a thought-out (non-instant) reply? I mean, who remembers partylines?

Anyway, it's to my advantage now, that I can update this blog from home and friends can get in touch with me. Learning to touch type was one of the best things I ever did when I was 16!

To my surprise...

I didn't get to any Church services this weekend as had a virus on top of everything else and had to stay off work today. But, Susie got my blog announced at Church on Sunday morning and lo and behold I now have 10 people following my blog. I can't believe it!

What I want to make sure is that this blog is not a place where I update you on my woes! I actually don't feel I've got any - just challenges to overcome!

I was reading "The Key to Everything" this morning by Norman Grubb and he says the exact same thing: "This is what (the Christian) life is basically: Another living His life in me. You've got the key to everything. Every problem becomes an opportunity. Every tough spot becomes a chance to enjoy the luxury of seeing Him deliver us out of it. And you welcome such spots."

So, let this blog be the beginning of things. He may deliver me out of my illness or He may not.
That's fine with me. What He will do, whether I'm healed or not, is to 'deliver' me into a new place in Him where it doesn't matter what happens to this body anyway. And all for His glory.

So, what's MS?

Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is a neurological disease. That means it affects the nerves and appears to do this 'centrally' - in other words it can affect the brain and the spinal cord. The other name for MS is 'demyelinating disease' - but, MS is easier to say.

No one knows what causes it, but there are a few pointers to why someone might get it. Of course, I've only found this out since being diagnosed and didn't pay much attention to it before that.

Scotland is the world's capital for MS. We have more here than anywhere else in the world. In fact, the further away you get from the equator, the more MS you find - with the exception of Norway, and I'll come back to that later. This suggests that sunlight may have an effect. Sunlight helps us produce vitamin D, therefore the less sunlight the less vitamin D. It's apparently estimated that two-thirds of the Scottish population are vitamin D deficient. We should all take supplements or eat more oily fish. Let's bring Norway back in here - in the north of Norway, they eat far more oily fish and this seems to be a factor in reducing the incidence of MS and therefore bucking the trend of the rest of the northern hemisphere.
As in my own experience, viruses appear to cause or trigger MS. In a talk I was at a few months ago given by a Canadian specialist (the Canadians are well ahead of us in MS research) he cited an example of a pair of identical twins. One had had a specific virus and the other one hadn't - the first had MS and the second one didn't. This doesn't mean every time you have a virus you're going to get MS! There are other factors involved and not all of them known or understood.

Known factors are:

• A genetic susceptibility
• Lack of sunlight and hence
• Lack of vitamin D which is made by the action of sunlight on our skin.
• viruses.

So, what's the effect? The nerves are covered in an insulating coating called myelin. Think of an electrical wire covered in a plastic coating. Well, the myelin gets damaged and the signals are disturbed or don't get through at all. This can cause weakness, paralysis, pain and lots of other unpleasant effects. Strangely enough, it's our own immune system that does the damage - in medical terminology 'autoimmune'. Our antibodies and defence cells attack our own nerves. The disease affects me in several ways: firstly, weakness in my legs, difficulty with balance and severe pain on one side of my head/neck. Luckily, I've got great painkillers. The other serious effect is fatigue. I run out of energy by late afternoon and spend the evenings resting or sleeping. That helps the nerves recover and I can walk better after sleeping for a while. Interesting.

It's a progressive disease, which means things get worse. But, there's no telling how long it will take. MS is also categorised into subtypes, but I'll write about that later.

Remember, this is only my understanding of the illness. I might alter my thoughts after more reading. But enough for now.

Roman Fort

Alan Martin, from the Struther's Church near London is staying with us this weekend. Yesterday we decided to go out for a short time, and after going on a small errand to Kirkintilloch we decided to go to see if the Roman remains at Croy or Twechar were easily accessible. From Kirkintilloch, you follow the signs for Kilsyth for a short distance and then turn right to Twechar. The first thing you notice about Twechar is a distinct lack of sign posts. As you arrive towards the village, the canal is on your right. There is no signpost telling you to turn right into the village! It would be all too easy to drive straight on and miss it completely. So, we turned right into the village. Part way along the road, there is a sign indicating that Barrhill Fort is a quarter of a mile walk to the left. So, we tried to find somewhere to park - problem number two!

Eventually, we parked outside some industrial units opposite and began our reasonable short walk to the fort. Next problem: It's at least a mile! And it's all uphill. Again no signposts, so luckily we came across other walkers/cyclists who directed us. Frankly, I shouldn't have walked so far and I'm paying the price now with ultra wobbly legs last night and today. When we eventually found the site, there's not a great deal to see, but we found it interesting anyway. Looking down from the site of the fort you can easily see the remnants of the Antonine wall and suddenly the history all becomes alive. The wind was blowing so hard and cold we couldn't stay too long and headed back down to the car. It was good to be out and to walk a bit - even if it was a bit too much. These sites are on our doorstep and I've never bothered stopping before. Glad I did. Tourist photos available here

Going live!

OK. I'm a bit nervous about this, but, I've put a link to this new blog on Facebook and emailed it to some friends. Please feel free to comment!

In time, I hope to add some videos of some of my own music and some other pictures of friends.
Be warned! Your picture might be up here next!

Diagnosis

I've just noticed that the my blog starts at the bottom of the web page and works backwards! So, scroll to the bottom to get the first entry. I don't know how to change the layout!

I first saw the neurologist at the Southern General Hospital in March 2008. He was very thorough. Testing reflexes and eye movements. I could do all of the tests he asked me to do except for the walking in a straight line - in what we used to call 'baby steps' - I fell over! He wanted me to do this with my eyes open then with my eyes shut. Luckily, he was good at catching! As a result of this problem, he ordered an MRI scan of brain and cervical spinal cord. I had to wait a few weeks for this, but eventually got this done. It was like being inside a large vibrating and noisy cylinder. I found it OK though, other than having a coughing fit part way through. I was given a review appointment to see the consultant in June 2008, which was when I discovered that I had MS. It was a bit of a shock, I suppose, but this is where my Christian faith really helped (we either believe God's in control, or we don't). I committed the whole matter into God's hands and I've never felt bitter or 'why me?' at anytime then or since.

So, I had to learn to live with a progressive neurological illness - and so did my family.
My walking was getting quite bad, and by July/August time, I had to start using a walking stick. Not all the time, but increasingly since then. Coming right up to date, I use the stick always when out and about and also at work, which took a bit of getting over the embarrassment.
I'll leave it there for now and write more about MS support and what life is like now.

Thanks for reading!

Psychiatry to neurology!

After coming home from work on the Friday I mentioned, back in 2007, I lay almost every hour of the day on the sofa in our lounge. My wife and son constantly badgered me to go to the doctor. I just wanted to lie there. The only positive outcome of that time was losing almost two stones in weight as I couldn't be bothered eating!

Eventually, after four weeks, I gave in and was taken by my wife, Susie, to the docs. He listened to me and to Susie. I was finding it hard to put a sentence together as I couldn't concentrate on words and meanings, etc. (couldn't read or even listen to music as it took too much effort). The doctor agreed with Susie that I was probably suffering from depression. And, true enough, when I filled out the questionnaire he put on front of me, I had to admit that I had depressive symptoms. "But, what about this dizziness I've got? And this strange numbness in my head on the left side?" I asked. He said that depression could bring strange symptoms and it would all probably go away. It didn't. It got worse. Much worse.

That was in July 2007. By Christmas, the numbness in my head turned to pain and my balance and walking were getting worse. I loved walking. I was out on the West Highland Way almost every day (we live beside a section of it), and although I wobbled a bit like a drunk man from time to time, I loved getting out and being among the hills and moors - watching the timid deer in the distance and the buzzards soaring overhead. I could never tire of that.

With some difficulty, I returned to work around Christmas 2007. I had seen a psychiatrist (remember they were still treating this as depression and I was looking for all the help I could get!) who arranged for me to work half days for a month to ease myself back in. I was back to work, but I knew something was far from right with my health - and I was pretty sure the problem was in my head - so, I asked my GP to refer me to a neurologist. The GPs words were "OK, but they won't find anything."

Welcome

Welcome to my blog!

A number of friends have encouraged me to keep a weblog (blog) particularly of my health since I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in June of 2008. This also allows me to comment on life in general and lets friends and family get (hopefully) regular updates.

For those who don't know me, my name is Paul Sharkey, I'm a dentist working in both teaching dental students in the University of Glasgow Dental School and in dental practice in Stirling in Scotland. I have been married since 1987 and have one son who's in the army and away from home at the present time.

So, about MS.

Three or four years ago, I got a virus. I had what I would describe as 'a bad flu'. I hadn't felt so bad in a long, long time. I knew that there were some neurological effects as my vision was slightly blurred and my balance was affected - although, that could have been ears being affected rather than brain. I felt so ill that I didn't even think of seeing a doctor - I just wanted to lie in bed and sleep. This lasted about two weeks. My vision returned to normal, my balance took a bit longer and the only residual deficit was that my spelling was never the same again!

Other that that, I got better and pretty well forgot about it.

In the summer of 2007, I found myself in a very stressful situation at work. I remember this all coming to a crisis on one particular day when I had the nearest thing to what might be called a 'panic attack'. I felt as though I had been injected with adrenaline. My muscles tightened, my neck got tight and painful. All I could think of was getting home. This was a Friday - I got home, lay on the couch and thought if I just rested for a couple of days I'd be fine. It turned out that I was off work for five months.

When I recounted these incidents to the MS consultant after I was diagnosed, he told me that I had probably had MS before this and that the two crisis incidents that seemed to trigger MS and make it active were viruses and stress. I'd had both. And so, my story begins!